Today I had a voice lesson with my regular teacher. It was my first lesson since I’ve been home from Germany, and it was my first lesson with her in two months. It was nothing out of the ordinary as far as lessons go, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
It started with me telling her about my current existential crisis with singing, which sparked a half-hour conversation about doing what makes me happy and how it has nothing to do with letting people down or comparing myself with other people’s successes or feeling like I have to do this because of the time and effort I’ve already invested. The thing is, I already know all of this in my head, but I have a hard time internalizing it. I think I’m on my way, but I’m not there yet.
I guess I need to figure out what it would take for me to be happy singing. I need to know what kind of singing, where, and how much I would need to do in order for me to feel both fulfilled and successful in my own realm of success. I don’t want those things to be defined by other people’s happinesses and successes, but I’m not sure how not to let that happen anymore.
I know that this is a gift from God, and I know he wouldn’t have given it to me if he didn’t have a plan for how I should use it. My prayer is for him to show me just how he wants me to use it, and that I do it for his glory.